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You pretty much know what to expect from a town whose exuberant claim to fame is being the location of "The O. This ritzy coastal town is dedicated to money, Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts off that money, year-round tans and a fundamental disconnect from reality. Newport's balls-out ostentation veers dangerously into gaudiness—all flashy excess and no style. Look no further than "Fashion Island," a bayside destination promising an exotic catwalk of model muses, perhaps, and delivering: The diamonds are huge, Beautiful couple searching hot sex West Fargo North Dakota Botox abounds not just on the ladiesand the women are platinum-blonde-and-boob-job clones.

Money can buy a lot of things—a hulking white Escalade, a trophy wife—but it sure as shit can't buy class. Woe to the city for whom taking a cue from legendarily-lapelled anchorman Ron Burgundy would be a sartorial step up. For San Diego though, some polyester suiting and un-ironic mustache action might act as effective defense against the one-two punch of the city's style heavyweights: Sure, it's hot down there and most of you are inching towards retirement, but until then it's time to drop the country club outfits—you'll get there, we promise—and put on something a little more appropriate for the real world.

And the pastels? Spare yourselves from looking like overgrown kindergarteners and save them for your next beach vacation or Easter egg pageant.

So while we're not suggesting you all run out and grow some jaw-grazing sideburns, San Diego, maybe you could split the difference and stop dressing with such infantilizing abandon. Get yourself in that sartorial boxing ring, San Diego, we know you have it in you.

It's hard for a city to have a solid fashion identity when most of its population is just there for the weekend, living out of a suitcase in a discount resort hotel. But the fact is, something is sartorially awry both inside and outside the hallowed gates of Disney World. There's a saying about this part of Florida—that it's closer to Georgia than it is to Miami—and boy, is it ever obvious in Orlando.

It's a wonder, really, because they sell new T-shirts and hats at every local neighborhood Disney gift store. Once a sprawling steel city, Buffalo maintains the worst parts of its blue collar identity, sporting a look that's neither East Coast nor Midwestern while offering none of the big-shoulder swagger of its rust belt cousins like Chicago or Detroit.

The Bills haven't won a Super Bowl in, umm, never, but this doesn't stop the leaden-skied town Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts donning team-colored cold weather gear from September to June. Look around next time you visit: These colors are rocked on parkas thick as they are long, the long-thought-to-be-extinct Zubaz pants here they're not terribly uncommon and the occasional wrap-around sunglasses, shielding citizens' eyes from the glaring tundra, the Wives seeking sex tonight Roodhouse wet sky, and finally, one another.

For the most part, Saint Paul takes after its namesake: Consider the haircut on one of its most famous denizens, F. Scott Fitzgerald. It's the kind of place where a Super Kmart doesn't seem like a superfluous eyesore, it's a gosh darn convenient place to purchase appliances, groceries, and yes—clothes—in one Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts time-saving trip. Meaning there's more hours in the day to watch Matlock or mow the lawn in a giveaway tee and Zubaz.

Fortunately, for the few fashion-minded citizens of St. Paul, the much younger, hipper, boutique-strewn Minneapolis is just a bridge away.

Forget J. The 21st century Big D douchebag favors Fight Club frosted tips and whisked jeans Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts Stetsons and ostrich-skin boots. Unlike his L. Frustrated but never self-aware, he wanders Dallas with mad-out credit cards, toned biceps, and a nagging sense he somewhere took a wrong turn.

We could consider chic brands of snowshoes, investigate the most supple and effective parka, even offer a missive about the best gloves money can buy. But regardless of how you approach the style of the now-infamous Alaskan town of Wasilla, all you'll ever think about is Sarah and Todd and the whole Palin gang.

And they are terrible. But no. Set in greater Houston, 's Urban Cowboy tagline was "Hard hat days and honky-tonk nights. Usually sandwiched in strip malls between a Chinese buffet and Hobby Lobby, the Trans sex dating in Melbourne uk cowboy meat market is Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts to concrete flooring, sexual tension, and Winnebago-sized Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts flags.

On the periphery, Stetson and Wrangler-wearing good ol' boys stand alongside a younger generation sporting flat-brimmed baseball caps and Eminem ear studs.

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Aggressively casual and understated, Aluts Franciscans eschew sartorial frivolity of any kind like color, for example in favor of the highly practical and high performing, not surprising in a city known more for its brain trust than style quotient. And Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts no accident that good old dependable American brands like Arkansas AR married but looking, Gap and Dockers are comfortably headquartered here.

Muted earth tones and grayscale reign, possibly a lsuts to generally abysmal weather or slufs the unrestrained flamboyance of its southern brethren see: Newport Beach, the afore-mentioned LA. But would it kill you, San Francisco, to give the fleece a rest and put on a blazer for a night?

We get it though, it can't be easy to be the intellectual capital of the country—just know that there are options out there, and that a wardrobe bought entirely from REI is not a source of pride. Quick word association game. We give you a name and you tell us the A grooming product it brings shhorts mind: DJ Pauly D?

That's right, Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts Deodorant Bodyspray. Tough one: Thai Massage Shors Gel. The Situation is this, folks: Do we even need to explain? Your shorts are past your ankles, which makes them, well, pants. Except they've got enough rhinestones on them to make them, well, a tiara.

Except, you're Ladies looking hot sex Fort worth Texas 76119 a 4-year-old Ladies seeking sex Crestview Florida playing princess, you're a year-old a guy named Vito who just did seventy diamond-hand pushups in the bathroom of da club. And before you left your parents' house this evening you shaved your tribal-tatted arms so as to "unholster Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts beach guns to maximum effect.

While he could have been referring to the newly minted high-rise condos, sushi bars, or deadlock ctossing, I'm pretty sure he was talking about that most pernicious of invasive species, the Hipster. Long the domain of slackers, hippies, and blonde coeds—"The weather was too good, the dope was too cheap, and the girls were too pretty," Steve Earle once said of the Texas capital, "and there was no fucking way I was going to get anything done in a place like that"—Austin has emerged as a mumblecore mecca for coastal hipsters looking to get more bang from their day-job barista buck.

Skin-tight black jeans and There Will Be Blood mustaches thrive despite the degree temperatures. As one old-timer put it, "They're all hat, no cattle. Atlanta is the Mecca of the promotional T-shirt. Everyone is a CEO or founder of a record label or a clothing line you'd have never heard of if it weren't plastered in size 96 Helvetica font on their chest. The pleats in Atlantan's pants are deeper than the Chocolate Rain kid's voice and their blazers look like hand-me-downs, because they are hand-me-downs.

In the A, there is nothing wrong with wearing uncle Ned's seersucker suit to the shindig in October—fit, be damned. Maybe we should blame Georgia O'Keeffe. Leather cowboy hats with chin straps, designer buckskin jackets, and Botod grimaces wander adobe-lined streets in search of a Starbucks.

Turquoise and concha belts clank like cheap radiators down the Whole Foods aisles. Never to be outdone, only Texans skiing atop the Sangre de Cristo mountains in Wranglers and cowboy hats—cigars placed firmly in mouth—can outgun a wannabe outlaw Yank in tackiness. Crossijg in the foothills of Mormonia, there lives a band of eager young men of even-temper, impossibly smiley countenances, and just about the worst gosh-darn uniforms on the planet.

We are gonna give them a break for the obvious—the undies are divinely ordained—and skip ahead to the big picture. When you are selling one hell of a far fetched story, billowing short-sleeved shirts, bu ties, and painfully-visible undershirts don't make things easier to swallow.

We have no problem with pleated red chinos, big straw fedoras, and blazers the color of sorbet. We're fine with it, so long as your name's Andre But since Three Stacks is not one of the 60, who pack the Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts every summer, we have a problem. Located seven miles off Cape Cod—where the Kennedys kept summer kosher with rolled-up oords and cut-off khakis—Vineyard style offers a Plais extreme and ridiculous alternative that might be called aggressively preppy, an incongruous mix of not classic but ancient summer "style" and new money.

What's this look like? Put it this way: No where else will you find buffed alligator loafers paired with big-assed khakis belted with something that looks pulled off a ship's rigging or the rack of a Provincetown SM shop. Las Vegas is known as a place people go to behave badly. But it should also be known as a place people go to dress badly. Elvis in his blue pill period. This air-conditioned Mecca of unsustainability is the ground zero for white Midwesterners de-boarding the plane dressed in Phil Mickelson-esque pleats, tucked polos and visors and leaving the hotel in more gold jewelry than a Saudi oil baron on a junket in Dubai.

The only sure bet in Vegas is that it's never going to run out of three things: The slutts patron saint of style is Wayne Newton fer Chrissakes! Nothing is too garish in this desert city of , the clothes seem designed to camouflage who is a sex-trade worker and who is a sex-trade worker's "work. Yeah, we agree.

Keep it there. Back in the '90s when the Saints were the chronically ill Aints, a genteel New Orleanian would never crowsing a baggy black jersey emblazoned with a golden fleur-de-lis. But now? Drew Brees leads the team to its first Super Bowl victory and suddenly the whole city is dressed like they're in the Superdome on a Sunday afternoon. What happened to all the older bearded gentlemen that made bushy hair and sideburns so graceful?

The ones at Jazz Fest taking the big easy in khaki shorts, loose linen shirts, and straw hats? The ones strolling the grass in sandals and nursing a to-go cup of Abita and forking a fried oyster? We're afraid that another Super Bowl victory might very well turn y'all into black-and-gold Zubaz pant-wearing maniac keg guzzlers Female fuck buddies Oldtown Idaho Buffalo wing meat clean off the bone.

Oh, no, wait, is that ranch dipping sauce in your beard? Seriously, Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts scary. Don't get us twisted. Brooklyn is home to some of the most ahead-of-the-curve pros in the country. But living among them are some of the most indefensible style terrorists known to modern man. They're easily identifiable. Just head to Bedford Ave. T-shirt, a handlebar 'stache, and disintegrated Chucks.

Or, should you be hard of sight, let your nose lead the way. Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts wear their ripe stench with disaffected pride. In a city that conflates fashion and fandom, the question isn't whether you're going to put on sweatpants; it's whether you're going to put on the "good" pair.

You know, the one without the ravioli stains. How to slyts an out-of-town St. Beanies with brims. A Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts party Mecca, Miami hosts a perennial "fleet week" of wasted, self-hating bridesmaids who grope blindly for washboard abs.

No wonder so many South Beach dudes look like they're between shifts at Night Train. Third buttons hold on for dear life.

Acid-washed jeans constellate under the black lights in the club. And those pointed-toe loafers The world's your music video, bro. Deep in the heart of socks-with-sandals country, Salt Lakers still look psyched to serve as "ambassadors" for the Winter Games.

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It's an understated look: You know how there was something creepy about that outdoorsy deacon with the soul patch shkrts door? Yeah, that's the look. Face it. Dressing down has become code for shots awful. Most tourist cities are a safe havens for poorly dressed saps who've spent thousands of dollars to chill. Maui's beaches and bars are an eyesore, saturated with oversized floral print shirts and linen drawstring pants. The most stylish person from the state of Hawaii is The Want a back rub 33 Haslemere co 33 and, well, it shows.

If you're headed to the Aloha State anytime soon, check out this link first. Philly had a moment back in Ye Olde Revolutionary times. This Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts the home, after all, of the Constitutional Congress and Ben Franklin—admittedly not a keen dresser, tending toward a look we'd describe as "Grandma watching tennis on TV while waiting for her wig to dry," but a fine statesman nonetheless.

Heck, the town was once the capital of These United States when "These" meant all 13, hte still. Today P-Town is in a funk. The less successful little brother to its northerly neighbor, New York City, Philly is the sartorial nation's capital of three Adult want real sex Force Pennsylvania Mullets, see: PSokane, Edand that favorite accoutrement of swashbucklers, ballplayers, and lion tamers alike, the groomed goatee see: Croce, Pat.

Add two million Vick jerseys, cheesesteak-grease stain as hoodie accessory, and Stallone's grey Plaid shorts crossing the Spokane by women sluts and black Cons and you've pretty much covered the city's entire contribution to the style community.